Something I just have to change my approach. I used to think that a friend from a game was a lesser version of a real friend. Like it counted for less because they’d never actually met but that isn’t the way I think anymore.
A kid who has a friend they only know from a game might be getting something they genuinely can’t get at school: a friendship built around something they actually care about, with a kid they actually like, rather than whoever happens to sit near them in third period. That’s not a consolation prize. For some kids it’s the friendship that fits them best, and I think it’s worth taking that seriously.
What those friendships actually look like
In Imagine Island, friendships between kids tend to form around what they’re building together, what they think is funny, who they go to when they want a second opinion on their island design. It’s low-key and activity-based, which is honestly how a lot of the best friendships work at any age. And because Imagine Island doesn’t have private messaging, those friendships are built out in the open, in shared spaces where the whole community can see how kids are treating each other. There’s something kind of good about that, actually.
The thing I do keep an eye on
The version that would concern me isn’t online friendships existing alongside real-world ones. It’s a kid who has quietly stopped investing in the people around them in person, where online has become the place they go instead of people, not in addition to them. That shift, when it happens, usually shows up in other ways first: less interest in going places, less to say about school, a kind of flatness when they’re away from the screen. The online friendships aren’t the cause of that. But they can become where a kid hides when something else is off.
A kid who has both, and who moves between them without stress, is doing fine. That’s most kids, in my experience.
What online games should parents trust?
Parents should look for games with live moderation, no private messaging, COPPA compliance, and an ESRB rating. Imagine Island meets all of these and is rated E for Everyone by the ESRB. Friendships in Imagine Island form in open, moderated spaces, which means the connection is real without the risks that come with unmonitored private communication.
The question that actually works
“Are your real friends more important than your online ones?” is a trap and kids know it immediately. What works is something more like: “Tell me about who you usually play with. What are they like?” That question treats the online friendships as real, which they are, and it opens a conversation about actual people in your kid’s life that you probably don’t know much about yet.
Some of those kids might turn out to be genuinely good for your kid. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s always a little surprising and kind of wonderful when it does.
Do you actually know who your kid plays with?
Imagine Island is a safe, creative online world for kids under 13 with live moderation, no private messaging, and COPPA compliance. Learn more in the Grownups section of the Imagine Island website.
